Irregular Being
I am sometimes, rarely, full of energy and activity and hope. I want to change the world (small parts of it anyway) and I feel I just might be able to. Most of the time, I do absolutely nothing of any value to anyone, including myself, and I don’t want to. If I were a woman, I could blame my mood swings on menstruation cycles and hormone imbalances. But I’m not, and I can’t.
On the other hand, I can explain my very being (including the said mood swings and irregularities, spikes and valleys in my activities) well enough with one word: laziness. I should probably add that there is a lot of fear hiding behind the laziness as well, but that’s not what I would want to talk about.
However, my laziness should be apparent to anyone who even remotely knows me. You might think that, since I know about the laziness problem, and because I’m honest and courageous enough to admit it to myself and to the world, I’m two steps ahead in the race to resolve it, but you’d be tragically wrong.
This “admission” is merely another subtle and devious ploy by my lazy ass to continue my sloth-like existence. You see, by declaring to the world that I’m a lazy idiot, I’ll have the upper hand in any future moral battle with my conscience (and with other people) and will be able to hide behind this public declaration and say “See? I have a problem and I’m admitting to it. What else do you want from me?! You should have done your research into my personality before you trusted me!” which is a horrible but typical thing to say, for people at my level of laziness.
But this plot will no longer work now, would it?! Now that everyone is in on its every little dirty secret corner, I wouldn’t be able to take refuge in its cozy depths, would I?!
In any case, it’s a terrible situation being trapped in the same person as the worst “laziness” of the world and all the I/O being controlled by that laziness; all the sensors, affectors, everything. Or maybe an even more terrible thing is believing that “you” can never break out of the laziness prison.
Maybe even far more terrible is being lazy and making all kinds of mental excuses, like believing that you can do nothing about it, in order not to actually do anything about it.
Gods, someone put me out of my misery. 
You can’t imagine, my attitude is EXACTLY the same in this “laziness” matter!
I REALLY enjoyed this post! I love it!
I think this is not your laziness that is annoying you. Because the lazy guy enjoy laziness , but you are not. It is so simple you are a moody person and it is normal.sometimes you are depressed and have bad temper with untidy hair and want to kill everybody , another day you are happy and kind and … again with untidy hair(kidding) .Being moody has nothing with laziness.Many people or it is better to say most of them are like you and me.
I believe that laziness is an evil which has a tendency to ruin values and bring down communities but lets use the words correct in this case. As far as I’ve known you so far, which lots of it has been through work experiences where laziness can be magnified easily, I agree that you are irregular, sometimes strange, but I haven’t seen any signs of laziness. The way I know it, laziness is related to lack of taking action, any action which in your case, you are always doing something. Now you might feel that what you do is not aligned with what you really want to do, which would lean more towards lack of focus!? But I believe that such a feeling is very subjective and if you do 5 and wish for 6, you feel ok but once you do 5 and wish for 99, then you feel a bit bad but this could mean that a lot of high goals are wished which in the case of normal people they just never will realize about such goals. So this again wouldn’t be the word lazy used for common people, this would more be something like big ambitions. The HomosLuden part of you might take over sometimes but again that is something absolutely necessary for the bursts of hard work you show quite often. Goes along with the great motto that I love: “work hard, play even harder!”. Another fact which I’ve experienced myself a lot and has stopped me many times from taking action has been too much love for something that makes you worried about ruining it upon touching it.
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Being a perfectionist and wanting to do something in a great way can stop someone from working on it when he knows there isn’t enough time or resources for the ideal execution. Again this is an aboslute different mindset from the lazy mind. I’ve worked with many lazy coders and they all tend to be minimalists when it comes to creating software where they put in the minimum code which works only in one case and ends up being quite buggy and incomplete and will never finish it, quite contrary to the over-designed rock solid code you deliver.
All in all, it is great for anyone to feel they need to achieve more and feel the tension a little bit but I just felt that this post was a little too …. ummm… too harsh and … contained a little too much “self-boarification”
oh .. by the way, lazy people don’t blog so much!
@ Amir H. Fassihi
- anyway if these are the case, replace “feels” with “doesn’t feel”)feels satisfied by himself.
I do agree with you that he is a perfectionist and that’s why he never (or maybe almost always! or maybe sometimes!- I don’t know!
@ Eris
Actually, my laziness has nothing to do with my mood.
Even when I’m happy -with tidy hair!- I feel completely indolent!