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{ 2009 10 30 }

Tonight was the first time ever that I drank alone. I was, am, in a very bad mood. I sat on my couch and downed a third of bottle of whiskey, and then I cooked for myself too (that’s almost another first.) No matter how hard I try to forget what I did that led to this evening, I can’t.
I’m sitting here, alone, and I am sinking. I can’t stop crying. Remorse is not even an option. Even death is not an option.
I realized tonight that I am a real asshole. Not a lazy guy, not a very bad procrastinator, not a liar, not a completely useless person, not a drama queen; a real asshole and a very bad human being.
I think I need professional help. Shit. I do.

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Posted by yzt on Friday, October 30, 2009, at 04:14:37 (\1256876077\UTC\C+0000). Filed under ignore, life, rants. Follow any responses to this post with its comments RSS feed. You can post a comment or trackback from your blog.

{ 2 } Comments

  1. IB | Thursday, November 5, 2009 at 16:24:50 (\1257438290\UTC\C+0000) | Permalink

    EveryBody is Learning No Finish No Begin, Every Step You Pass You Passed It My Friend :)

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  2. XAOC | Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 10:42:10 (\1257590530\UTC\C+0000) | Permalink

    Come on! I knew you. I know you still! At least I think I do. Not everything, I know your essence, know you by my heart. Forget about it. You are not an asshole or whatever. I know how you feel, this is more or less a same kind different context feeling I sometimes have! Feeling, which stops you from continuing! But it just passes through time. I’m not professional, any professional, in anything! But I might be of help, I know.

    I have read this post before, but did not take it hard! This time, I really could not take it easy! :D

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